The myth of sex.

We as a society seems to be very determined to pretend sex doesn't exsist.
We seem shocked and titillated by a political arena that has gotten almost explicit. or at least a penis has been hinted at.
Though in all bluntness the subject of vaginas has been much more to the forefront so to speak.
But I digress.
 I tried to do a little search about a sexual fantasy I have heard mentioned and was recently depicted in a movie and from everything I found on the g rated internet such things never really happened and by implication never would.
This seems more like pandering to the people that can't handle a penis even being hinted at. Let pretend some things don't really happen. 
And lets take that all the way back to just plain old sex between two people who consider themselves old enough to consent to participating in sexual contact.
And that is the key. We have established a legal definition for consent with these young people, but in reality they make choices about their bodies that have no relationship to legal understandings. It is so important to realize that they are often making choices in ignorance of psychology, physiology, as well as all the other outside information that they may need. 
Lets give kids information. Lets do it in a format and venue where they are paying attention and they are listening. Lets stop being afraid that knowledge is dangerous.

the shame of maturity

Somethings happened the other day;
A small boy taped a paper mustache on his face. People laughed and said how cute and soon everyone in the class had paper mustaches on their faces.
A small girl had 2 small paper cups and held them to her chest. The boys laughed, but the girls didn't. The teacher quickly took the cups away and told the girl that parents would be called if she did that again.

So all the girls and the boys learned some things that day. Its ok to become mature if you are male, it is not ok if you are female. In fact while one thing gets you admiration and adulation, the other gets you humiliation and threats.

Wow! how f'ed up is that?
 The argument that one thing is more overtly sexual than the other is bogus, both symbols of maturity come from hormonal changes. So the ability to grow facial hair is exactly the same as breast development.

In schools, social settings, and home we teach attitudes towards sexuality inadvertently everyday. It does not need to be as codified as a dress code with one standard for girls and another for boys, it does not need to be as unrealistic as Just say no. We celebrate the maturity of boys in overt and subtle ways and girls often face the opposite.
We need to develop ways to empower and not humiliate our girls before during and after they become women.

transgender

I find it sad that we can not seem to wrap our heads around teaching our youth about sex and sexuality when we keep a very simple picture of gender as our model.  Add people who find same gender partners sexually appealing and they almost can't handle it, but I find it even more pathetic that the concept of a transgendered person seem to blow the minds and cool of so many more people.

People seem to have an obsessive fascination with people who have "become" a different gender. They get dissected in the media with intrusive and odd and down right rude speculation.
In our school systems we are slowly trying to "accommodate" students with different sexual identities including transgender. But these are still seen as "accommodations", like indulgences we bestow upon these "poor" individuals. But as we seek to empower more and more of our own populous we have to understand that they have the right to use those facilities that fit their needs.
Maybe we do a disservice to all our people by having separate gendered locker rooms or restrooms.
If everybody got used to every "body" many of the titillating mysteries that lead us to making bad choices would disappear.
And gay, straight, transgender or non gendered, would become meaningless in these settings.

apps for that

I just heard about apps they have for tracking menstral cycles as well as sexual activities etc.
Women can track their fertility cycle which can help them make better choices about their own actions and their own bodies.
I was always frustrated by the fact that my cycle did not "fit" the 28 day norm everyone talked about. Those times when I was paying attention it was about 31 days. In terms of trying to conceive or not conceive this was important information.
The app also tracks information you add about how you are feeling both physically and emotionally as you go through your cycle. It is really great to know these things so you can predict the days when you might not be the life of the party or become the bitch from hell if anything goes wrong that day.
Feeling bloated or anticipating the days when you might some midol on hand can be damned useful.
There is also a place to track sexual encounters and birth control used or not. 
Understanding our bodies at any age is a critical part of understanding our sexuality and can help us all make better decisions.

books books books

When I was going through puberty my mother gave me a book. It was a small one that the doctor had given her so she did not have to explain puberty to my brothers or me and my sister. It was great for the bits about body changes but lacked anything about emotional changes or why things felt the way they did. In some ways maybe this was good since I did not have restrictive parameters telling me masturbation was evil or that feeling pleasure was a sin.
I just did a 30 second search on-line for books about sex for kids. There seem to be lots of options from straight forward this is puberty to where do babies come from to books that do address those super awkward topics like masturbation, foreplay,  STD's...
Here is a URL with a list of 10 books to consider.
http://geekdad.com/2014/02/top-10-sex-ed-books/

But how is handing a kid a book different than making them site through someone's presentation about how sex is only for marriage. It still doesn't offer an open dialog, or give them an honest outlet for their questions.
Maybe reading the books at the same time as your child or with young ones read books to them.

I watch parents when they deal with young ones who are touching themselves in public. Some parents freak out and swat their kid's hands telling them they are bad. others gently explain that we do not do that in public but its ok when the child is alone. Guess which one I think is healthier.

Opening a dialog.

 One of the down falls of the sex education programs being used in so many school is the vocabulary.
 Like any topic you want to discuss it really helps if you are both speaking the same language. Unfortunately kids are taught from a very early age that some body parts we do not talk about. So even if they are familiar with words like vagina, labia, aureola and penis they may be way to embarrassed to ever use them in a dialog about sex. 

Instead the vocabulary they use is one they get from their peers and from the media.
Songs especially are full of lyrical lines about sex, but not the way you might think.
An example is Chris Brown's "Sex" Where he sings explicitly about rough sex and sex without consent.
Beyonce also has sexually explicit lyrics.
Just to name two of the tamest.
If you ask your child what music they listen to, chances are they will be listening to something involving sex even if they assure you there are no "bad words" in what they are listening to.

But songs are not the only avenue kids have to learn about sex, and love and commitment and relationships. There are lots of videos, games, stories available on the internet free for the asking. A stern warning about adult content is hardly going to form any kind of deterrent to a curious mind. Too often what they witness may be far from the education about sex you thought they were getting.

So get familiar with the vocabulary your kids know and then help them learn yours.
If you sit down and think of all the words for breasts and buttocks and penises it no wonder it can all seem very confusing. And that is just the anatomy part of the discussion. When it comes to physical sensations, emotions, respect, consent and all the enjoyable things about sex the language can get really confusing.
Laci Green puts out videos about sex that are basic, open and enthusiastic if you want an example of someone who has the vocabulary and makes connections in a positive way.
https://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen

Articles that moved me to do this.

 This was one that caught my attention on facebook.

http://fightthenewdrug.org/growing-up-fast-why-12-year-old-girls-are-having-sex-rougher-earlier/#sthash.GXHUAAxZ.dpbs

Here is one of the ones from the NPR stories I heard
http://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2015/06/16/414724767/people-are-finally-talking-about-the-thing-nobody-wants-to-talk-about

And here is another about Onterio's move to change the Sex ed curriculum.
http://www.pri.org/stories/2015-06-17/despite-protests-ontario-going-forward-newer-more-modern-sex-ed-curriculum-these

These came in addition to my experience of being with 7 and 8 grade students being told that sex was only for heterosexual people who are married. And anything else was doomed to misery and a horrible life. They are also advised against even exploring their own sexuality. While the kids were given cards they could write questions on so they did not have to speak out and get noticed, many of them either did not know what questions to ask or were dealing with thinking they were already doomed to a miserable life.